y'know how it goes when your alarm goes off early in the morning and your sneaky, subconscious, conniving mind runs through each and every possible option (ie, skipping class, skipping shower, etc.) to keep you in bed just a bit longer?
this morning i could not think of even one reason.
so, i got up. at 4:51 a.m.
and i'm headed home.

i get restless
and there's my to-do list
but i ignore that
and grab the scissors
and chop my hair

that's a monday night.

i just hope i'm never predictable and i never want to be 'that way.'

i feel like i've been living my whole life with eyes closed.

i hope they open up soon

i already have anxiety about going back there. in two weeks.
there are the good things, yes. but mostly
dark
restricted
contained

the apathy of this generation astounds me.

"you're sitting there blogging about it - go do something"

alas, the life of a college student who IS studying and preparing to do something. soon.

retail therapy

today was the kind of day where you wake up 24 minutes late for your chemistry final so you're sure your life is over but you rush there anyway and by God's miracle not that many people stare at you when you run in with bed-hair and for some reason your professor let's you take it still AND gives you extra time and then to cope with your life you go to the store and the shirt you wanted but would never pay full price for is now in the clearance for 5 dollars AND it's your size so the world is right again.

here is the part now
where i'll gather my pieces
join to one, & move forward

this is the time now
to leave you, leave everyone behind
to work toward the future
but enjoy the present
find balance.

now
i'll find courage, confidence, motivation

i'll try.

a light lunch

y'know those quotes that are so cheesy you almost need some crackers but once in a while kind of secretly inspire you but you'd never admit it because they're so cliche and how could they possibly relate to a strange individual such as yourself?

this one's mine: "stay strong & make them wonder how you're still smiling."

i want to accomplish everything i want to, need to, what is expected of me, and more.
i want to do it with a smile.
i want other people to admire my hard work and the ease with which i do it all.

i think i want to convince myself i'm still on track.

here i am: a contradiction to my family

my dark-haired father, my dark-haired mother, my dark-haired brother, 
my dark-skinned, dark-eyed family; and here i am:
a blonde-haired, blue-eyed aryan with translucent skin.


my hunting and gathering father, my following-in-his-footsteps brother;
november is the month of months, neon orange and camouflage adorn their bodies
as they proudly carry home their hard earned food for their family 
but i politely refuse it because here i am:
in spite of accepting animals as more than friends, a vegetarian.


my only brother, my enlisted brother, 
a marine now despite not yet graduating high school but ready to leave this modest Midwest state
to protect not only his immediate family but our brothers and sisters of this nation and here i am:
grateful for his sacrifices and others alike, dreading the day he leaves, and praying for the end of this nonsensical war because of my 'liberal' views. 


yet, here i am:
a daughter of my father, a daughter of my mother, a sister of my brother, 
forever surrounded by our love for one another. 
contrary to my contradictions. 

Grandma's kitty pattern VS. the Conqueror

as much as i love the Cat Tapestry pattern, i can't get the spiked Litas out of my mind! is it too early to say, "Christmas present?"